Silence – The Other White Meat

I enjoy silence, when it comes in the form of nobody talking. However, I just realized that I can’t handle complete silence. I go batty. And I think it has something to do with how we leave a fan on at our place all the time.

Since we live in what is basically an efficiency, our living room and bedroom are the same room. When we sleep, we leave a fan on, mostly just for the noise. The flowing air is nice, but the noise is excellent. So much so, that when we get out of bed, we just leave the fan on, even if it isn’t pointed at us. I came home from work one night and the fan was off. It stayed off for all of 2 minutes. I was on my phone playing Angry Birds with the sound off, and the silence in the room was screaming at me.

That’s when I knew. Before that, I’d swear that I could last all day and night in that completely silent room that nobody can survive in. Because I thought I loved that kind of silence. I was so wrong.

You can actually hear yourself hearing.

When I was a teen I couldn’t sleep without the radio on just loud enough to barely hear it. If it was louder I’d listen to the songs playing and not sleep. But if it was just audible, it was perfect.

I’m staying in a hotel tonight and I went into the bathroom to drop a deuce. Turns out there’s no vent in the bathroom, which I thought was a must for bathrooms, like, legally, but I guess not. That was the longest shit I’ve ever taken. It was so quiet I could hear my nose screaming in protest. I understand, my poo smelled like dead fish. I’m not sure why, but it did.

I’m realizing now there’s no fan in the room either. I’m not sure what I’m going to do for noise, but I’ll probably just stay awake all night rocking back and forth on the floor.

So yeah, I need noise. And that sucks, because I fucking hate noise. I don’t understand why people insist on being loud. When they talk, or do anything. I used to know a guy who insisted on smacking tables as loud as he could when proving a point. Drove me insane. People on motorcycles insist on revving their engines when they’re not moving. Why? To make sure your ride is still on? No, to make noise. Slowing down to a stop? Gotta rev the engine a few times, because coming to a stop silently is the devil’s work.

“Hey everyone! Look at me! I’m on a motorcycle! VROOM VROOM!”

Eat shit. I’d love to own and ride a motorcycle, but it better be silent, so that I can hear the radio.

Want to be really fucking annoying? Put tips on your muffler so you sound like a douche everywhere you drive.

Why do we insist on being loud as a species? WHY?!?!?!

Shut the fuck up people. Be silent. But not that creepy no noise silent. I need SOMETHING. So maybe if you all could just make the sound of a fan on medium, everything will be okay.


About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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6 Responses to Silence – The Other White Meat

  1. Jaded Jeni says:

    Oops, sorry I ruined your peaceful silence with my fan addiction, babe. ♥

    Liked by 2 people

  2. orbthefirst says:

    I used to listen to music 24/7, except when I slept. Never could go without that, but over the last few months, Ive gone silent most of the day. Fan noise drives me batty, but my computer fans are LOUD, like hear it across the house, kind of loud. So I listen to tunes when that starts to get to me (Seriously, it drives me buggy..) Or if I have company. Then, music as background noise is a must.
    Cant stand tv noise though. Probably cuz I still dont really watch tv, much.

    And dead fish…? Dude, Id get that checked out. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • Matt Roberts says:

      Nah, I dropped the kids off at the pool a minute ago and it’s back to regular shit smell for me. I’m good.

      I can understand those computer fans being too much, I had a fan going out a while back and it got loud and drove me nuts. Our box fan is quiet but puts off just enough noise on medium that it’s good ambient noise. I don’t hear it on low and high is too much.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. joey says:

    Totally understand.
    I’ve been sleeping with earplugs for about 16 months and now I can’t sleep without them, like my brain can’t fall asleep without the whooshing of my heartbeat and sound of my own breath. I prefer to fall asleep to the hum of the interstate, the whirl of the ceiling fan, and the heat blowing through the vent, too. White noise is tops. Then I feel like I can’t hear anything and I fall asleep quickly.
    As a city dweller, I am not awakened by trains or planes, crickets or cicadas or birds, but snoring in my face will get me every time 😉

    Dude, you can give yourself a courtesy flush. Dead fish? Yeah, flush as much as you need to…

    Liked by 2 people

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