I just did a post over at my wife’s blog, Legit Trash. Go forth. Read, my children. Reeeeeead.
Posted April 7, 2017
Hi, my name is Matt, I am the husband of the lady of the house here, and she made me a guest blogger. So here I am with the most elegant, New Yorker type post I could come up with.
This post is about body trolls.
You know how you can just be sitting around doing nothing, or up and at ’em doing everything, or whatever? And all of a sudden you get this sharp stabbing sensation on your skin in a very tiny location? Like, it makes you jump and you have to scratch the hell out of it just to get it to stop? I actually just push down on it as hard as I can with a finger nail until it goes away, cause it doesn’t itch, it just stings.
Know what I’m talking about? Well, the wife and I have those every now and then, and we decided to figure it out. So we did countless hours of research, testing, observing, and holding council with the world’s top minds to figure it out, and what we came up with in a unanimous decision was, the cause of that stabbing is a teeny tiny little troll that hangs out on your body and has an even teenier tinier dagger that it uses to stab you in the skin, just because it’s a dick.
“Fucking foot troll!”
You’ll hear that conversation in our house at any given time, coming from either of us. If it isn’t a foot troll then it’s a leg troll or an arm troll. Where ever that little bastard decided to stab you that day.