Awesome Animals: June Bugs

These little guys are found almost all over the world in one form or another. They come from a genus of scarab beetles called Phyllophaga in the subfamily Melolonthinae, with about 260 other species. Their name is actually kind of a nickname, as their real name is May Beetle. The problem is, those little bastards come out around the beginning of April, so their names make no sense. Unless some chick named May June discovered them back in July.

“I’m here to bang into things. ALL NIGHT LONG!”
Source: Riveredge Nature Center

The only harm these guys ever were, at least around the Ohio Valley area, or the Mid-West, same difference, was agricultural. But lately that problem has been going down. So now, they’re almost completely harmless.

And stupid. I think they tie with Cicadas as being the dumbest insect in the insect kingdom. Both are stupid, have no fear from anything, and can’t fly.

The thing that sets June Bugs apart from Cicadas is, June Bugs have a huge desire to fly, at all times. And they don’t know how.

It’s like when they’re young and being taught how to fly, they all instinctively fly head first into a wall, become brain dead, and now require a helmet when they go anywhere, drooling on themselves and smacking into walls and ceilings, all the while just as happy as June Bugs.

They don’t bite anything except their food, and they’re vegetarians. We’re safe. They pose no threat to anything. Ladies, they’re safe to handle. Just like those dumbass Cicadas.

Which is why I used to love throwing June Bugs around in the yard with my sisters when we were kids. Of course one of us would have a whiffle bat while another would have a large stick or branch. That was usually my youngest sister Brandi. She was crazy back then. She still is.

We would hit those little guys all over the place, laughing our asses off into the wee hours of the night. Just like with Lightnin’ Bugs. Because back then we could stay out all night long as kids, because nothing bad happened back then. We lived in a cul-de-sac, so that helped.

Lightnin’ Bugs are beetles, too.

Of course I don’t do that now. Now I enjoy them, laughing at them for their stupidity.

I was just outside and thought a small war was going on. It turned out to be a dozen or more June Bugs flying into my neighbors plastic awning over his back porch. He had his light on. He always has all his lights on.

Why do night time bugs not come out during the day but crave light at night? That doesn’t make any sense. Another reason they’re stupid. The sun is the most light you could possibly ask for, but these idiots head after your porch light like it’s the messiah.

I digress.

To sum it up, these guys are just annoying for a few months and then they’re gone for another year. They’re harmless. When one lands on you, show your brass! Flick that idiot off of you. He’ll enjoy the ride as much as you’ll enjoy the solid thunk. He’ll be okay, he’s wearing body armor. And a helmet.

I got some help for this article from these fine sites:
InsectIdentification.org
Riveredge Nature Center
Wikipedia
The rest I already knew, cause I’m full of useless knowledge.

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About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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9 Responses to Awesome Animals: June Bugs

  1. Jaded Jeni says:

    I feel like a wiffle bat would be a good purchase for us this year.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. SauceBox says:

    This was good stuff. Check out my comedy blog and give it a follow if you like it!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. joey says:

    I’ve never understood people being afraid of the “June bugs.” They’re obviously incompetent insects. I don’t know why, but they like hair. BZZZZZZ. Still, not afraid.

    Liked by 2 people

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