I’m Going To Start A New Fashion Line

It’s not hard to see that I’m very unfashionable. I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear for the last 4 days, and I can tell you, they are not Gucci. They are Fruit Of The Loom, I think, the tag fell off years ago, and I’ve owned them for over a decade. They have holes, tears, stains, streaks. Will I ever own a new pair of underwear? Or socks? Probably not. Ever.

If I won the lottery, it would still take me a year to buy new underwear and socks.

So for me, a fashion line has got to be – well really – unfashionable. If it became popular, it would then be fashionable to be unfashionable and maybe I could get the 90s restarted. WOOHOO MORE GOOD MUSIC!!!

Years ago when I was in high school I was going to start a fashion line using a nickname a good friend of mine gave me. He called me Matsy all the time, and so I drew up a little logo and was going to put it on jeans and shoes. Naturally I wouldn’t be making the jeans or shoes, I was going to go buy the cheapest off brand stuff I could find, sew my logo on it, and charge double.

I was too lazy, so nothing ever came of Matsy Wear.

But now, I have a new idea. My wife just asked me to get her phone for her and said it was on the back of the couch. I instantly thought of Coach, and how I should start a new line to be the opposite of what Coach is, and call it Couch.

Thus, Couch was born. It’s for all of you who refuse to get off of the couch. Clothing for those of you who binge watch shows for days at a time. The very best for the very laziest. My kind of people.

Wait for it… wait for it…


About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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10 Responses to I’m Going To Start A New Fashion Line

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    It will happen. Not to be downergirl but we depressed sorts do that already. It could sell…never know with your flair. 🙂 Jokingish…I’d buy the eau de partum version just to confuse people even more.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Jaded Jeni says:

    Jolene is never going to let you sit on her furniture when we go visit, lol. On a side note, you are the silliest hubs, ever. xoxo

    Liked by 3 people

  3. joey says:

    I’m down.
    I would at least enjoy Couch on the weekends. On the weekends, I still enjoy my son’s old socks. His feet haven’t been my size in about 15 years, so, um, they’re super comfy now 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  4. orbthefirst says:


    Liked by 2 people

  5. orbthefirst says:

    Early morning keyboarding is not my thing, apparently. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Arionis says:

    Brilliant! Only thing is they won’t get up off the couch to get their packages from Amazon. Guess they’ll need those drones to start flying into the house and drop them off right at the couch.

    Liked by 1 person

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