I’m So Lost

I’ve lived in Ohio my whole life, and some time around the 90s, when I was a teen, I started thinking Ohio was strange, in relation to where it was located and what it was considered.

That’s when I first realized that it was called the “Midwest” and it’s not really west. If you split the country down the middle, Ohio is on the east side. It should be considered the Mideast. I guess they don’t call it that because then people would get it confused with the middle east and then we’d all have to start riding camels. I’d be fine with that, really, cause driving around here sucks. But then nobody would know how to drive their camels either and that could be a mess.

A true story of rush hour in Cincinnati.

But then I started hearing about slavery and the south and how Cincinnati and Ohio were big parts of the underground railroad. Cincinnati was so much into it that we have a museum here for it. It’s awesome, too. Check it out.

And that got me to thinking… Kentucky is considered the south. But it’s literally only south of Ohio, Michigan, and Canada. There’s quite a few states beneath it, so the south was much bigger than the north. Yet the north won the war.

Regardless of who won, the fact remains. Ohio has no idea where it’s at. Neither does Kentucky, apparently. It’s part of our Tri-State area with Indiana. So our Tri-State consists of two northern states and one southern. That’s progress, y’all.

But it makes me wonder… how big is the Midwest? Let me Google it.

Ah, so we’re at the very eastern coast of the Midwest. So we’re on the eastern Midwest coast. That’s confusing. Which is why I’m confused.

But, if there’s a Midwest, surely there’s a Mideast.

Nope, just the middle east, which we’ve already been over. Camels.

Ah, now I get it. The east is considered that big land mass east of America, and America is considered the west. So the middle of that giant eastern land mass would be camels, and the middle states of America are the Midwest because they are the middle states on the west side of the earth.

I still don’t get the north and south divide though.

I hope you learned something today. That’s why I’m here, folks. To teach and to be taught. I’m not accredited though, so this won’t go on your record.


About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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10 Responses to I’m So Lost

  1. orbthefirst says:

    I never understood the north & south divide, but I thought it was south of Kentucky. Learn something new every day, lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. joey says:

    Excellent post, my friend.
    Truly, I understand your confusion, because Ohio is RATHER east. It takes at least 100 hours to drive through Ohio to get east, anyway. For some reason, no one thinks Ohio is rural, either, so it doesn’t feeeeeel Midwest on name alone.
    And sometimes, if you say to people, “Ah, I knew you were a Midwesterner!” when you discover they’re from Ohio, they give a wry smile, cause they do not think of themselves that way. Apparently.

    Liked by 1 person

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