Strange News Sunday – Vatican Orgies

HOLY cow… I saw this on Twitter earlier this week and did a double take. There’s no way this could be true, is there? I went to validate the source and HOLY shit, it’s the New York Post. It’s validated.

Vatican cops bust drug-fueled gay orgy at home of cardinal’s aide

The apartment in question used to be the place where Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger lived for about 25 years before becoming Pope Benedict XVI. The suspect, a priest, is an aide to one of Pope Francis’ key advisers.

Neighbors had been complaining recently about people coming and going and strange noises coming from inside the apartment. I mean, they might be strange noises for the Vatican, but they’re not STRANGE noises. Everybody knows what those sounds are.

Vatican police showed up and raided the apartment in June where they discovered multiple men engaging in rampant drug use and homosexual activity. Sounds like a fun time, eh?

The aide is off on a spiritual retreat for now, but this isn’t his first issue. He’s had several instances of drug overdoses in the past. Before he went on his spiritual cleanse, they detoxed him from all of the drugs he had taken at the parties. I imagine the spiritual retreat is to pray the gay out of him.

The Pope is pissed off because, ironically, the building the apartment is in belongs to the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, which is the arm charged with tackling clerical sex abuse. HA!

Our current Pope is a pretty cool dude. I’m sure the homosexual activity isn’t such a big deal, it was just part of the story that came with a lot of other crazy details. Sex in the Vatican is probably a huge no-no, no matter what kind of sex it is, and I’m sure drug use is also frowned upon. Basically, I think this aide would’ve been in trouble regardless of who he was sleeping with.

For some filler, I’m also going to let you in on a little secret, a secret that has gone viral already and many people know about. So, not really a secret at all, actually. It’s about a new mile-long island called Shelly Island just off the coast of North Carolina.

Shelly Island… sea shells… shells/Shelly… get it?

Reide Corbett, a professor in the Department of Geological Sciences at East Carolina University and a scientist at UNC Coastal Studies Institute, says this is the time of year when the weather settles down, so the ocean current’s calm. And the ones that go by there carry a lot of sand around. When the weather settled, so did the sand, and now a new sand bar, or Shelly Island, is available for people to party on.

It looks like it’s close enough that it can be swam to. One thing’s for sure, it’s beautiful there. I might have to go on a vacation soon.

Corbett said if the weather stays calm, Shelly might hang around for a while, but anything can happen. Sand bars happen all the time, but rarely do they pop up out of the water like this. North Carolina is in a prime spot for severe northern storms, so chances are good Shelly might disappear. She might reappear down the line, too, and with a different shape and size.

Chad Koczera and his fiancée were traveling to there because they got engaged there. They spotted the new island, and he sent his drone up in the air for a picture. He posted it to social media and it went viral. Now everyone wants in on some Shelly action. Awesome Chad! Who just discovers an island nowadays?


About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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7 Responses to Strange News Sunday – Vatican Orgies

  1. joey says:

    The only problem with that temporary island is that the sea is not in my backyard. 🙂
    I read that about the sex-drug thing, and like any good heathen would, I thought, “They just wanted to open their minds and create some positive energy…”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Lol @ spiritual retreat…no, more like smh. Ugh.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Arionis says:

    That island is only a couple hours away from where I lived. We took a trip down there and discovered that there was a papal drugged fueled orgy going on right there on the island! What are the odds?

    Portions of that story may be slightly inaccurate. But I do live only a couple hours from there.

    Liked by 1 person

Speak, Earthling!

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