Now Entering The Friend Zone

Who is the one person you wouldn’t ask about something existing? The person most likely to want to keep it a secret. You wouldn’t ask the head of the KKK if racism still exists. You wouldn’t ask the President if aliens exist. And you wouldn’t ask a tax dodging liar if they’ve paid all of their taxes or not.

With that being said, who is it that is classically the cause of all Friend Zones? A woman? Right.

It has been non-scientifically discovered that 98% of all people who have put others in the Friend Zone are women. Hey, you can’t argue against unreal statistics.

So naturally when not one woman, but TWO women tried to tell me just this morning that the Friend Zone doesn’t exist, I laughed heartily. Like I’m going to believe them. If they said it DID exist, they would have ruined the Friend Zone for all of womankind. And they don’t want to have that weight thrust upon their shoulders.

Their argument in a meme nutshell?

Then I’d say you took the wrong pill.

What they said to me is, basically, the Friend Zone doesn’t exist because women are allowed to not find someone attractive who finds them attractive.

Even though that’s the fucking definition of a Friend Zone.

So my argument was, you’re absolutely allowed to not fancy someone even though they fancy you. There’s a name for that, and it’s called the Friend Zone. Basically, anybody arguing against it existing or being a thing is just arguing that it shouldn’t have a name. Sorry, that’s the name that was designated to the action of turning someone down who could potentially be a good fit for you.

Just saying “Friend Zone” doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to date who you want. Seriously, how serious is it that you have to deny that term exists? Men do it, too. Just not on as big a scale. Hey ladies, you can totally say you were put in the Friend Zone. IT WORKS FOR YOU TOO! Has there ever been a guy you really wanted but turned you down? You’ve been Friend Zoned!

Ladies, and dudes, has anyone ever asked you out and you said, “I’m sorry, but I just think of you as a friend”? That’s the Friend Zone. No matter how true or false the reason is. And then it’s usually followed by an extensive time where the person who did the Friend Zoning doesn’t talk to the other. In some cases, that lasts for the rest of time. Great friend, eh?

Every Friend Zone I’ve been placed in has come from very good female friends of mine, so when they said it, I believed it. That doesn’t mean I didn’t think giving it a try would be a bad thing. Naturally, the best relationships are between two friends. My wife is the most bestest friend I’ve ever had. It’s hard to have a solid relationship when the two of you hate each other.

I’m fine with that response. I don’t like the Friend Zone, but I’d rather have those women in my life as friends than as nothing. And lucky for me, I do. Extra special super duper Easter egg: One of the two ladies arguing with me this morning put me in the Friend Zone once! That won’t be on the test.

Sure it hurt when it happened. Being turned down is never an awesome feeling. But I got over it, and I’m very glad that our friendship has been around for 16 years. Unless she murders someone I care for or cancels a show I love, she’ll be one of my best friends for life.

So I ask you again. What is the problem with the designation, the title, the term, “Friend Zone?” If you turn down a guy (or girl) and they try to make you feel bad for your choice, or shame you in any way, you made the right choice because they’re fuck boys (or girls). A real man or woman will be hurt, but understand and respect your choice.

Now, off this topic but on to the original question. I once had a girl tell me blue balls doesn’t exist.

A woman, who doesn’t physically have balls, is telling someone who does, that blue balls isn’t a real thing. And her major hangup on it was, our balls don’t actually turn blue. No matter how many times I tried to explain to her that it’s just a name, it’s not based on actual blue balls, she still wouldn’t buy it.

Well… don’t FIGHT them…

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve had blue balls on more than one occasion, and it isn’t something I’d like to ever go through again. It’s not so much life threatening, it just sucks.

But the hilarity of a woman trying to argue with me that it doesn’t exist. HA! So very HA!


About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
This entry was posted in General Chatter and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Now Entering The Friend Zone

  1. joey says:

    I will leave the blue ball commentary to the menfolk, but it won’t kill anyone, my daddy told me so 😉
    On the friend zone matter, I don’t even think it’s attraction that makes it that way — I think it can be lack of attraction, but sometimes it’s more about preservation of friendship, that line a person doesn’t want to cross for fear of badly ruining a good thing. I certainly believe in the friend zone.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, I TRY to put guys in the Friend Zone, but as you say, fuckboys. They tend to disappear from even wanting friendship once they figure out that good fit doesn’t involve their penis. It’s a disappointment but a necessary one.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. orbthefirst says:

    I put people in “The friend zone” all the time. Its either because I am previously occupied, or that I know I cant give them what they want. Usually simply because I LIKE their friendship. If theres more to it than that, it just happens.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Twindaddy says:

    You know who has perpetual blue balls? Cookie monster. Its no wonder he’s so agitated all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

Speak, Earthling!

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