When I was younger I yearned to have a girlfriend and be wanted by someone. I would’ve done anything to have a girlfriend to call my own. Even pay.
And then one day I realized something, and that is what I’m going to share with you today.
I have a friend who is going through that now, and for the last few years I’ve seen her randomly post on social media about how she’s going to die single and how men suck and blah blah blah. I just sent her a message on Twitter explaining this to her. It’s the second time I’ve attempted this with her, and I hope this time it works. And that was the reason I decided to do this post.
Here’s the deal. The universe can be an asshole sometimes, and sometimes things just don’t make sense. They don’t work like they’re supposed to. You have to work around that to make the universe work for you. You have to make the universe your bitch. Careful though, the universe can destroy you, so make it your bitch lowkey.
IF YOU AREN’T HAPPY WITH YOURSELF, NOBODY IS GOING TO MAKE YOU TRULY HAPPY.
I’m not going to repeat it. The universe works like this. If you’re desperately looking for someone to fill in that pit of despair in your life, you’re doing it wrong. People will sense that on you and they will not be attracted to you. It doesn’t matter how you look or how great your personality is. Looking for someone to make you happy is unattractive. Because if you need someone to make you happy and you’re not happy, why would anybody want to be with someone who isn’t happy?
Make sense yet?
It’s actually in your aura, or your energy. It radiates off of you. People just have to pass by you to pick up on that. Whether they know it or not, they’re going to feel that energy on you and be turned off by it more times than not.
Besides, you don’t want to be the kind of person who has to be with someone in order to be happy in life. That can only lead to disaster. All of those fucked up couples on Maury or Jerry Springer are that way. Subconsciously they hate themselves and they take whatever they can get just to have the sensation of being happy, even if it’s a fake sensation. Then when their significant other treats them like shit and they take it, there’s no question as to why. They put up with it because that’s what they expect. They put up with it because at least they have someone in their life.
That’s no way to live and that surely is no way to be happy. TRULY happy.
I’ve dated women before who were madly in love with me for no reason other than I was dating them. I chose to be with them. My presence completed them. And they were some of the worst relationships I’ve ever been in because that’s not what I want. Hell, the very first girl I was actually in love with, I discovered, wasn’t in love with me, she was only in love with having a boyfriend. The relationship soon thereafter fell apart and ended horribly. And it took a very long time for me to get over that, but it opened my eyes.
When I realized that I didn’t need someone in my life to be happy, that I could be happy all on my own, that’s when things changed for me.
You see, your energy will change when you change. If you’re truly happy with yourself, you’ll be surprised at how much of your life changes.
And I mean TRULY happy with yourself. Just saying it doesn’t count. If there are any doubts, it will pour out in your energy. You have to be able to think about being single for the rest of your life and be completely 100% fine with that TO YOURSELF. Telling me you’re fine with that doesn’t do you a bit of good if you’re not really fine with that. That’s not how this works.
Have you ever wondered why when you’re single and looking it seems like nobody wants to be with you, but when you’re happily taken everyone wants you? Is it starting to make sense yet?
If you’re happily taken, your energy is that of someone who is happy. That energy is attractive. People want to be around that energy.
When I was with that first girl I was in love with, I was hit on all the time by girls that wanted to be with me. Girls who, ultimately, might have been better for me, but I didn’t know it. And I didn’t care. I was in love. But once that relationship was over, those girls were nowhere to be found.
I have a friend whom I’ve asked out dozens of times over the years, and she always said no. One day in high school I started dating another girl and the day I went to her to tell her the good news I found out she was then ready to date me. She said it was fine that I was dating someone else and that she’d wait for me. When that relationship was over, she no longer wanted to date me, and we never have.
Currently, I’m extremely happily married. And my wife found me. I didn’t find or even look for her. Now, I’ve been completely honest and real with you up to this point and that’s not going to change here, so when I say this I’m not saying it for sympathy or whatever. Save it. I’m proving a point.
I am overweight, an asshole, and unattractive. I know my wife will read this and leave a comment about how great I look and all that. That’s fine, she can think that, and I’m glad she does. But to the average person, at a glance, I’m nothing special. But I’m happy because I make myself happy. I learned a long time ago to be that way and that is how I’ve lived my life. I am depressed, but who I am has nothing to do with that. Even with all of that going on, I get hit on all the time by very attractive women. A lot of them are college aged. Some are my age, some are older. Hell, I’ve been hit on by gay guys before. All of it is very flattering. I appreciate it all, and it’s nice to hear you’re desired by someone. But every time it happens, I know why. It’s because I’m happy with who I am, and I don’t NEED anybody to make me happy. I didn’t need my wife to make me happy, I already was. She came in and complimented my happiness. And that made her very valuable to me, and if I ever lost her I’d be devastated. But that wouldn’t change how I feel about me.
Look, you are in control of you. Mental health is just as important as physical. You can work out, get a great body, pay plastic surgeons to make you look like the most attractive person ever, but all of that will be a waste if you aren’t truly happy with yourself. Alternatively, if you do any of that for vanity reasons, you’re obviously not happy with yourself.
Is it any wonder, after reading all of this, why assholes get the best looking girls? Have you ever seen a couple and thought, “What the hell does he/she see in him/her?” There’s your answer. They’re comfortable with who they are, happy with who they are, and they attracted the right person to them to compliment that.
Their awesome energy attracted someone else’s awesome energy.
And that’s what you want in life. Awesome energy. It attracts awesome energy.
One benefit of this is, among many other things, you can be picky. If you’re so desperately looking for a SO that anybody will do, who knows what kind of asshole you’re going to get and SETTLE for. But if you don’t need anyone to make you happy, then you can be selective. You can wait until the perfect person comes along. And if they never do, who gives a shit? You are in this life for you only. There’s no time to SETTLE or spend time with someone who isn’t deserving of your time.
I’ve heard people say, “I don’t know what he sees in her. She’s ugly.” I even once had someone say that to me about a girl I was dating. “What do you see in her? She’s ugly.” These people don’t get it. My dad recently said, “Have you seen George Clooney’s wife? She’s ugly. He can get any woman he wants. Why would he settle for her?”
Love isn’t looks, people. That’s vanity. If you date only for looks, you lead a shallow life and you’ll truly never be happy. That’s not opinion, that’s fact. And it’s what rules the roost. That doesn’t mean it’s right. It’s just that people tend to look at their SO as a prize or trophy instead of as a person or a human being.
The best thing is, when you’re truly happy with yourself and who you are, you’ll be attractive. And if you do find someone to compliment your happiness, that person will be attractive, regardless of how they look. Looks aren’t shit, personality is everything.
That’s an unpopular opinion, but it’s not really opinion. You also have to be prepared for the opinion that you have to be with someone. Or you have to have kids. Or you have to do any one of hundreds of other things that are, for some reason, the things that everyone is expected to do in life. “But don’t you want someone to be with? Let me fix you up with someone.” Don’t fall for that shit. If others can’t handle you being completely happy with yourself, that’s their problem, not yours.
Never judge a book by its cover. And think very highly of yourself. Be happy with yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. I promise you, things will change for you in more areas than your dating life. Hell, you might feel so good about yourself one day that you won’t even want to date anyone. And THAT, my friends, is an awesome feeling.
Go get yourself some of that. You can thank me later.