Terrible Commercials: J.G. Wentworth

I used to think this guy was J.G. Wentworth and that he was only local, but it turns out he is not J.G. Wentworth, it’s a company, and they’ve been spreading their terrible commercials nationally. Headquartered in Pennsylvania, they’ve been giving us shitty ads for well over a decade, maybe two.

It started out with a bunch of jackasses yelling out of their windows at nobody in particular, “It’s my money and I want it now!” Go to hell.

That old guy there is NOT J.G. Wentworth. He’s known as “Mr. Wentworth,” but he’s just a dude. I’m not sure if J.G. Wentworth is an actual person or not, but it has been the name of the company since the early 90s.

Over the years the commercials have grown worse and worse, and I don’t have enough space here on this blog to show you all of them. I wouldn’t do that to you anyway. They use a lot of opera singers in their commercials, and when I first saw this one I thought it had gotten as bad as it was going to get. I still see it from time to time.

This is why I don’t use public transportation. Luckily for me I don’t see this entire commercial anymore, as they run a shorter version now. And honestly, it has kind of grown on me. The shorter version has, the long version here can suck a fat one. When I sat through the long one the first few times, I had my finger on the trigger of the gun pointed at my face, and I would’ve pulled it too, but by the time the commercial was about to get me to that point, it finally ended. Had it been two seconds longer, I would’ve put myself out of my own misery long ago. They would’ve deemed me a suicide with an asterisk next to it, meaning it was justified.

It turns out the number of suicides in this country goes up by 21% every time one of these commercials airs.*

Like with most bad commercials, I often wonder just how little dignity the actors must have to subject themselves to this shit. But really, at least they’re working. And they’re getting recognized in a popular brand of commercials. Popular, for whatever reason, good or bad, is still popular.

It wasn’t until this most recent commercial that I finally had enough. This is the one that this post is about, and the one that still keeps me up at night. It is literally the only thing that can come on TV that will make me go out of my way to find the remote and mute the TV. Lucky for me the mute button works, cause if I had to listen to this each time it ran, or just once actually, I’d definitely kill myself. I’d just smash the TV, but I wouldn’t do that to the TV. Although being forced to show this commercial probably makes my TV wish for a quick death.

This commercial is everything that’s wrong with the world at any given time in one 60 second spot. I want to find the area code where this was filmed and drop a bomb on it, regardless of if those guys are still there or not. That piece of land needs to be cleansed.

I really want to go off on this commercial but I can’t think of enough terrible things to say about it. I love roasting people and things just as much as the next person, but this goes above and beyond being roasted. It needs to be torched.

Can you believe J.G. Wentworth won awards for their commercials? Awards, as in plural. And they’re not like, Darwin Awards for commercials. They’re actually legit, good for you, your commercials are awesome, awards. Oh lord, now that means they’ll only make more.

*Not true, but the research hasn’t been done yet, so maybe…

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About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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