My Endorsement

We’re into politics now, so I figured I’d join in the fun. Since politics is a bunch of shit, what better way to talk about it than to talk about shit? And what better way to talk about shit than to endorse a plunger?! So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to endorse a plunger.

Currently where I live we have a smallish toilet. It’s not meant for a big guy like me, which I can tell when I sit on it. Maybe a toddler, or a teen. Definitely not somebody who’s overweight. And most definitely not someone who shits out a baby every time he goes.

Because of this, I’m constantly clogging the toilet. So much so, in fact, that I broke our plunger. Yeah, our toilet sucks at sucking, and often gets clogged. I can’t blame it, my shits are legendary. But I used the plunger we had so much that it broke. The plunger broke off of the handle at the handle. And it was just one of those regular, every day, brown plungers. Those are archaic. Nobody should use those plungers. Not anymore!

No. I have discovered a new way of living. When I went to the local hardware store and went to their plunger aisle, I saw the light. And it was shining on a Korky Beehive Plunger. Behold.

A legend. A God. Tip the scales in your favor.

The opening at the bottom is specially formed to fit ANY toilet. Not all toilets are made the same, therefore a regular, round, brown plunger just won’t work on all toilets. This bad boy does. The Beehive is the way to go for your next expungement. With the brown, round plunger, I used to have to plunge my ass off just to get any results, and that was because even though the toilet was small, the plunger didn’t fit entirely over the opening of the toilet. But the Beehive can suck a basketball through a garden hose. It’s almost unfair to your clog. I’m pretty sure if you plunge it enough times you’ll clear all the pipes in your neighborhood out.

Another bonus is the handle. It’s not straight up and down like all other plungers. No, it has a handle at the top of it so that you can grab it with both hands and work it like a jack hammer.

The absolute best part of it though, is the suction. I’ve already boasted about it, but so far I’ve had to use it three times and each time I feel like I’ve only used it slightly. As in, it didn’t take much to get the desired effect. I put in minimal effort and got maximum results. And my shits are Godzilla-like. I can only imagine what it would have to take for me to need to use the plunger to its full potential. I hope I never find out, but a part of me wants to.

Seriously, this plunger is so badass I’m probably going to make it my weapon of choice should a zombie apocalypse ever break out.

It cost me $15 at my local mom and pop hardware store, and I found it online through ACE Hardware for a dollar more. It may sound pricey to you, but it’s more than worth the price. Hell, now that I know how it works, I’d gladly pay double that for one.

Remember, for your plunging needs, go get yourself a Korky Beehive Plunger.

I’m Matt Roberts, and I approve this message.

About Matt Roberts

I am an author of horror and things near it. I enjoy nightmares and bad B horror flicks.
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2 Responses to My Endorsement

  1. Arionis says:

    Now this is the kind of political ad I don’t mind seeing! I can get onboard this campaign train. Not only does that look like the Cadillac of plungers, we could also set it in the Oval Office desk chair when not in active use. It couldn’t do any worse than all the shit choices we have this year.

    Liked by 1 person

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