Another Update

Lately I’ve been dealing with bad mental shit and I’m not in the mood to do anything anymore. But I’ve been doing some thinking about this whole blog situation, and honestly I don’t know if I will continue blogging here.

I came to realize that this blog isn’t mine anymore. Then I realized it never was. I’m using a free blog from WordPress.com, so of course what they say goes. I’ve never owned this blog, I’m just borrowing it. The theme incident showed me that it doesn’t matter what I want for my blog. I’m not allowed to have it look the way I want, and that right there is all the proof I need to know this isn’t my blog.

I guess I’ve always known that, but I put up with it because this is the best blogging platform online right now, which also depresses me. If I truly wanted to make this the way I wanted, I’d have to either pay for a business plan just so I can change one or two things via CSS, and I not only can’t afford that, but the money doesn’t justify the few things I want to do. Or, I could go the self-hosted route through WordPress.org, in which case I can pretty much do whatever I want with it. But again, does the money justify it? It’s not like I make money through this site. That’s never been an option to me. I don’t do this to make money, but I definitely don’t do this to spend money either.

I think all the time about new blog articles or things I’d like to write about, and then I realize I don’t have an audience either. According to WP, I have 256 followers, but that’s just a number. The views and interactions say otherwise. So who am I writing for? The most popular posts I ever wrote were a bullshit post about where the kids of Grace Under Fire went after the show, and a post about swollen taste buds. Both of those were written years ago. Wow.

The more I think about this blog or writing another post, the more depressed I get. The only thing I do this for is because I want to, and now I don’t want to. It’s not my blog, and WordPress doesn’t give a shit about things that need fixing, because the developers are more concerned with adding shit that doesn’t need to be there, and the more shit that doesn’t need to be there is added, the more bogged down it gets, and the more stuff that should work no longer works. Just like with so many other websites and apps, functionality gets tossed aside for pointless upgrades.

So this is probably it. If I can’t make my blog look like I want it, which I think is a very basic want, then what’s the point? The very first thing WordPress asks when you create a new blog is, how do you want it to look? Then they give you a ton of theme options and you are limited to what those themes offer. In other words, it doesn’t matter what you want your blog to look like, it matters what the theme developers want your blog to look like. Even if you choose a blank theme so you can customize it however you want, you’re still limited on what you can actually customize. Unless you pay, of course.

So, for the one of you who actually read my shit and comment every now and then, it’s been fun. Thanks for hanging around. But this is my exit. It’s time to get off the ride.